Deciding it’s time to send your beloved furbaby over the rainbow bridge is a complex and emotional experience many dog owners face.
Losing a cherished companion is always hard, but the guilt that often accompanies the choice to euthanise can make the experience even more challenging.
It's important to know that you're not alone in feeling this way, and there are ways to help you get through this difficult time.
A Personal Journey: Confronting Euthanasia Guilt
Written by: Jodie Guy
Having had dogs my whole life, I know that the dreaded day you must give your last pat and embrace to your dog is nothing short of heartbreaking.
With our family dogs, the burden of deciding the right time to euthanise was held by my mum. However, that all changed in 2016 when Zac, my 13-year-old furbaby, suddenly lost interest in going for walks and food.
The vet conducted an examination and gave John and me the news that no pet parent wanted to hear.
Zac had a tumour that was pushing organs and his spine. Given the aggressive and advanced nature of the tumour and Zac’s age, the vet gave us treatment or euthanasia as options.
Though, a good outcome was unlikely with treatment. The recovery period would be a long and challenging journey for Zac, likely to provide extra months of life but not years. Unfortunately, his final months would be spent with a low quality of life while trying to recover, so the vet recommended euthanasia.
We brought Zac home to discuss and confirm if euthanasia was the right option, as we didn't want him to suffer, no matter how hard it was for us to let go.
We had family over to say their goodbyes. Overnight, Zac worsened. He had become incontinent and disorientated when trying to stand or walk. The decision was no longer if euthanasia was right but rather can we wait until 9 am when his regular vet opens or do we take him to an unfamiliar emergency clinic.
We decided not to wait and went to an emergency clinic early in the morning. It was an unfamiliar setting with vets and nurses unknown to Zac and us.
We waited nearly an hour for the vet to enter the room and start the euthanasia process - though it felt like an eternity. We stayed in the room afterwards for some time. At this stage, it was almost 9 am.
Although in unfamiliar surroundings and with unknown vet staff, most importantly, John and I were with Zac the whole time and did not leave his side and patted him and held his paw until well after his last breath.
In the hours, days and months afterwards, I felt extreme guilt for not having seen early signs he was unwell and for deciding to euthanise so quickly.
Logically, I know that pets and animals often do not let on that they are unwell until it is too late. So, as with Zac, there may not be any early signs to pick up on.
It took a long time for me to accept this and let go of the guilt. Remembering why we decided to euthanise got me through each wave of guilt.
To this day, though, I still feel guilt for rushing to an emergency clinic rather than waiting for his regular vet to open because, by the time the emergency vet euthanised Zac, we were so close to 9 am when he could have been in the care of the loving, familiar vet family he knew.
When I look back and assess why we went to the emergency vet, they are sound because we didn't want Zac to suffer any longer, and there was no way for us to know the process would have led us close to 9 am. Only by hindsight do we now know this.
Had we waited to attend Zac's regular vet, I would still have felt guilty, wondering if we had waited too long. So, I have learned to live with the decision based on the information and reasoning we had at the time.
Knowing more about available services, a mobile vet would be a good option as it keeps your pet at home in familiar surroundings with those that love them the most.
Among the many things we have to honour and remember Zac, our personalised laser-etched photo keepsake is my favourite because it shows Zac's personality from the naughty puppy stage, being a snuggle pup, crazy-eyed fun doggo and beloved family member through to the end.
There is no magic solution to alleviate the guilt. However, you may find the following tips helpful and find some comfort in knowing feeling guilty is a common emotion after deciding to euthanise your furbaby.
Remember the Reasons for Your Decision
When deciding to euthanise, it's for the best interests of your furbaby and not to make you feel better having them around, despite their suffering. It could be due to unbearable pain, terminal illness, or poor quality of life. Remember that the decision was made out of love and compassion to prevent your dog from suffering.
Speak with Your Vet
Your vet has likely seen many pet owners in the same situation and can offer valuable insights and support. They can also help you understand the medical reasons behind your decision, which may reassure you that you made the right choice for your pet.
Connect with Others
Joining a pet loss support group, either in-person or online, can provide a sense of solidarity with others who have faced similar decisions. Sharing stories and experiences can help you process your feelings and realise you're not alone in your grief.
Honour Your Dog's Memory
Creating a memorial for your dog, like planting a tree or setting up a special place in your home, or having a personalised keepsake made with photos of your furbaby, can help you celebrate their life and cherish the good times you shared. This can be a powerful way to shift your focus from guilt to appreciation for your time together.
Permit Yourself to Grieve
Feeling a range of emotions after euthanising a beloved pet, including guilt, sadness, and even anger, is normal. Allow yourself the time and space to grieve, and remember that healing is a process that takes time.
Seek Professional Help if Needed
If your guilt overwhelms and interferes with your daily life, consider talking to a mental health professional. They can guide you on coping strategies and help you work through your feelings healthily.
Consider Volunteering or Fostering
Helping other animals in need can be a healing experience and a way to honour the love you shared with your dog. Volunteering at a local shelter or fostering a dog in need can provide a sense of purpose and help you work through your grief.
You're Not Alone
Coping with the guilt of euthanising a loved dog is never easy, but it's important to remember that you're not alone. By recognising the reasons for your decision, seeking support, and finding ways to honour your pet's memory, you can begin to move past the guilt and heal. Remember, your furry best friend would want you to be happy and at peace.
If you are ready to honour your dog's memory, browse the Personalised Dog Memorial Keepsakes range at Moments Etched in Time.